CHAPTER ONE
GAVIN
*This series contains sensitive subject matter. If you are easily triggered or have experienced serious trauma, this book series may not be for you. Not recommended for persons under 18 years of age.
An awareness of death hangs heavy in the air. So thick I can feel it on my skin, in my lungs. As I’m forced to breathe it in, the solidifying truth of what Hannah has done turns to concrete in the pit of my stomach. Gabby’s dead. And if it weren’t for her finger pulling the trigger, I know, without a doubt, it would’ve been mine.
I guess that’s what makes this so hard. It could’ve been me responsible for killing the person I used to call “friend.” And even more, I wish it had been. Because now, Hannah will have to live with Gabby’s death on her hands. Adding another scar to the many she’s already been forced to wear.
Cold sweat drips off my brow as blood drips down my leg. The outer edges of my vision fade in and out, and I fall into Ryan’s shoulder, bumping him to the side when I can’t stand any longer. I shine my phone’s light over Hannah’s features, taking in the pallid hue of her skin and the slack drop of her lids. Clutching her chin between my fingers, I roll her to face me. Her skin is strangely cool and clammy, even compared to mine.
“Hannah, look at me. I’m going to make this right. You don’t have to worry.” Unnerving silence grows louder with each passing second. “Hannah? Open your eyes, Baby.”
Her lids shutter over glazed eyes, and her lips part limply. When I let go of my hold, her head weakly lolls to the side, causing a painful moan to spread out across the trodden path beneath her mouth. Her faint breath is barely strong enough to swirl up dust. I grab her shoulders and shake gently, rocking her hooded gaze to mere slits, only for them to fall closed again.
“Hannah, wake up. Wake up!”
She doesn’t respond.
I slide my fingers into her hair to cradle her head but feel a damp warmth coating my fingers. When I pull them back, I flick the light over them, illuminating the sticky red daubed on their shaking tips. “No, no, no, no…” I gently lift her head and tilt it to the side. A jagged edge peeks out from the foliage-littered ground. Bile makes a quick ascent up my throat, but I swallow it down as moisture pricks at my eyes. I can’t fall apart now. She needs me. “Baby, you gotta stay with me! Help will be here soon.”
“What the hell is going on?” Ryan’s palpable fear takes on a threatening tone. “Tell me what’s wrong!”
“She hit her head, and there’s…there’s a lot of blood. Give me your shirt.” If it weren’t for mine already being belted tightly around a gunshot wound on her arm, and my undershirt being the only thing keeping me from bleeding out through my leg, I would’ve used my own. But I’m running low on clothes, and he’s got what I need within arm’s reach.
Without objection, he grips it over his shoulders and tugs the material over his head, hastily folding it into a small compress. He places it on the ground beneath her injury, and I immediately apply pressure. “She must have hit her head when they were fighting.”
“How bad do you think it is?”
“It sure as hell isn’t good.” I glance at the red blot radiating outward into the fabric clenched in my hand. Like a drop of ink in water, it’s spreading quickly. “There’s so much fucking blood. Where is everyone?”
Ryan’s gaze blindly searches the blackened knitted branches of the forest separating us from civilization. We’re several hundred feet past the Rivas Canyon Trailhead, near Will Rogers State Park. “I don’t know. I called them right before I left. Should we move her?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know?”
“We can’t just sit here on our thumbs and do nothing! And what are we gonna do about Gabby? Hannah killed her. As soon as she’s well enough to sit in a cell, you know they’re going to be beating down her hospital room door to take her away.”
“We’re going to get our stories straight—that’s what we’re going to do. Gabby had her pinned, so I fought to get her off of her. When we were wrestling, the gun went off. Are we clear? Because it damn well better be crystal.”
He vehemently shakes his head. “You’re insane. You can’t take the blame for this. You’re going to get crucified. Her Dad’s the chief of police.”
“Better me than her.”
He hesitates, gnawing on the side of his lip, wringing his fingers through his hair, taking a moment to consider what I’m saying. “I’ll do it. The detective already hates me. It would be easy to convince him it was me. He knows I’d do anything for her.”
“You’d never survive in a place like that. This is something I need to do. I’ve lived through a hell of a lot worse than I’ll ever see in there.” Ryan’s eyes flash with surprise now that he’s getting a glimpse into my past. They soften sympathetically, filling in with understanding. “Don’t! Don’t fucking look at me like that. Just let me do this. Let me do this for her.”
“She won’t agree to it.”
“We’ll convince her.”
He climbs to his feet and paces, digging his hands back through the dishevelled mess he created just a moment ago. His gaze flicks toward Hannah as he chews on the inside of his cheek. A battle warring in his head.
“Yeah…okay. Shit, I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. She’s never going to forgive me.” He bends at the waist, bracing his hands on his knees and breathes heavily. “What if she doesn’t make it?” His voice is unsteady, fear unbalancing every word.
“She’ll make it. She has to.”
I lightly grip her shoulder with my hand, rocking her again. “Hannah, wake up, Babe. Please wake up.”
Her lids flutter open half-mast, her eyes coming slightly into focus just as she heaves unproductively. Still, I gently roll her to the side to prevent her from possibly choking. I glide my free hand, circling over her back for comfort until she rolls back listlessly, wincing when she rests back where she’d just lain.
“Ryan?” she murmurs his name, reaching inside my chest and tearing my heart out with the plea.
She’s calling for him.
He skids to a stop next to Hannah and reaches for her hand, pressing a soft kiss on the back. “I’m here, Nah. I’m here.”
“Ryan, what—what happened? Where am I?” Her voice is raspy yet flimsy. Ryan and I glance at each other over her body, our worry butting heads with our fear.
“You bumped your head pretty hard. Right now, you’re lying on the Rivas Canyon Trail. Do you remember anything? Anything at all?”
“I… I don’t—” Hannah’s floating in and out, barely holding onto consciousness.
He grips her cheeks in his hands. “Hannah, you have to stay awake. Stay with me!” Her eyes burst open only to fall to a moderate slit, the black pupil rolling back slightly before they come back into focus on me.
“If anyone can get through this, it’s you. You gotta fight.” I add, reaching for her hand.
She pulls it free, recoiling from my grasp. Her eyebrows draw in, crinkling the space between her eyes with confusion and…no signs of recognition. She’s staring at me like I’m some random guy trying to touch the pretty girl. The snub crashes into me like a tsunami, pushing me under with so much force I’m sure I must be drowning.
Does she not remember me?
Ryan gawks at the cold brush off with smug satisfaction, not aware of the reconciliation we had just moments ago. He doesn’t see the vacancy in her eyes. The blank detachment. They lacked the warmth and emotion she gifted me before Gabby appeared. He tries to assuage her, but his message gets muffled beneath the waves roaring between my ears.
I finally had her forgiveness. Held her in my arms. She said she needed time to think; now she’s shying away from my touch, acting like we hadn’t just shared a moment where everything seemed to align. The stars, the moon… Hell, my whole world righted when she melted against me. I could finally feel my heart stitching itself back together. But now it’s all picked apart. Unravelling faster than I can hold it together.
My ass drops on my heels as the faint sound of sirens finds its way through my confusion. The scenery around me fades into a blur as sweat beads on my forehead, neck and back. Each breath I release gets shorter, more compressed. I sway, catching myself just before I fall over.
“Over here!” Ryan yells beside me, but he sounds so far away.
Beams of light bounce back and forth in the distance, starting out small, growing larger the closer they get. Branches crunch and snap as four paramedics run down the path toward us. They split into two groups: one veering toward where Gabby lies dead and one coming to a stop next to Hannah, Ryan and me. Already jumping into action, they set up a floodlight.
Ryan gives our group a quick rundown of what to expect. “They’ve both been shot, and she’s hit her head.”
I wave one of them off when he comes toward me. “No! Go to her. She needs you more than I do.” He looks at me skeptically, eyeballing the damage to my leg. I inconspicuously wipe the sweat off my brow and try my best to stay balanced and coherent under his scrutiny. “This is non-negotiable!” I seethe. Every second they waste on me is a second they could be helping her. “What are you waiting for? Help her!”
He takes pause, mulling over my demand, but must see the determination in my gaze. He looks between Ryan and me and nods. “I need you both to give us some room.” Then he speaks to me directly, telling me with the deep vee of his brow and the obstinance in his eyes that he’s planning on being just as firm. “Then I’m coming back to look at your leg.”
He drops beside the other medic before I can object, hurrying to bandage Hannah’s arm as the other one finishes bandaging her head. Ryan helps me stand, and we both reluctantly back away to give the paramedics some clearance.
My body doesn’t seem to like the sudden change in altitude because my blood seems to stay at my feet, throwing off my equilibrium. I get caught in a wobble, swaying from side to side as my eyes glaze over and nausea creeps in. The only thing that brings me back into focus is the fear in Hannah’s voice. But it’s not me she’s seeking.
“Ryan? Please don’t leave me.”
Dropping in a crouch, his hand wraps around hers, where they hover outstretched. “I won’t leave you. I’m going wherever you go, okay?” he soothes as she blinks away tears.
“It hurts so much.”
“I wish I could take it all away. But you’re in good hands. These guys are going to help you. We’ll handle everything else.” He juts his chin in my direction, and her eyes struggle to follow the movement. When they finally track to me, I lose all the wind in my lungs, seeing the void in her gaze where her love used to be.
It’s not only my leg that’s bleeding out but my heart, too. It’s hemorrhaging in a dark puddle at my feet. I’m suffering the effects as a strong hand grips my shoulder to spin me around.
“I’m going to need to get a statement.”
My vision eases in and out as I stare vacantly at a man in uniform. Woozy and disoriented. He releases me, mouthing more words, dramatically opening and closing his mouth and waving his arms as I stumble back, weakness setting in. He reaches for me. But before he can get a solid hold, my ankle rolls on the uneven ground. I pitch to the side and drop with a thud, my hands and cheek slapping against the dirt.
Lying on the ground, a blur of people run toward me as their loud voices turn muffled. I feel like I’m submerged beneath water, and I’m clawing my way to the surface. My body is weakening by the second, and my lids are growing heavier—more cumbersome. It’s as if they’re tied to weights that are threatening to drop a curtain on my sight. I’m fighting to stay conscious with every last bit of strength I have, battling on borrowed time until the others rush Hannah away into the darkness. Then, once I know she’s safe, I let them fall, so hopefully, I can go there, too.
I guess that’s what makes this so hard. It could’ve been me responsible for killing the person I used to call “friend.” And even more, I wish it had been. Because now, Hannah will have to live with Gabby’s death on her hands. Adding another scar to the many she’s already been forced to wear.
Cold sweat drips off my brow as blood drips down my leg. The outer edges of my vision fade in and out, and I fall into Ryan’s shoulder, bumping him to the side when I can’t stand any longer. I shine my phone’s light over Hannah’s features, taking in the pallid hue of her skin and the slack drop of her lids. Clutching her chin between my fingers, I roll her to face me. Her skin is strangely cool and clammy, even compared to mine.
“Hannah, look at me. I’m going to make this right. You don’t have to worry.” Unnerving silence grows louder with each passing second. “Hannah? Open your eyes, Baby.”
Her lids shutter over glazed eyes, and her lips part limply. When I let go of my hold, her head weakly lolls to the side, causing a painful moan to spread out across the trodden path beneath her mouth. Her faint breath is barely strong enough to swirl up dust. I grab her shoulders and shake gently, rocking her hooded gaze to mere slits, only for them to fall closed again.
“Hannah, wake up. Wake up!”
She doesn’t respond.
I slide my fingers into her hair to cradle her head but feel a damp warmth coating my fingers. When I pull them back, I flick the light over them, illuminating the sticky red daubed on their shaking tips. “No, no, no, no…” I gently lift her head and tilt it to the side. A jagged edge peeks out from the foliage-littered ground. Bile makes a quick ascent up my throat, but I swallow it down as moisture pricks at my eyes. I can’t fall apart now. She needs me. “Baby, you gotta stay with me! Help will be here soon.”
“What the hell is going on?” Ryan’s palpable fear takes on a threatening tone. “Tell me what’s wrong!”
“She hit her head, and there’s…there’s a lot of blood. Give me your shirt.” If it weren’t for mine already being belted tightly around a gunshot wound on her arm, and my undershirt being the only thing keeping me from bleeding out through my leg, I would’ve used my own. But I’m running low on clothes, and he’s got what I need within arm’s reach.
Without objection, he grips it over his shoulders and tugs the material over his head, hastily folding it into a small compress. He places it on the ground beneath her injury, and I immediately apply pressure. “She must have hit her head when they were fighting.”
“How bad do you think it is?”
“It sure as hell isn’t good.” I glance at the red blot radiating outward into the fabric clenched in my hand. Like a drop of ink in water, it’s spreading quickly. “There’s so much fucking blood. Where is everyone?”
Ryan’s gaze blindly searches the blackened knitted branches of the forest separating us from civilization. We’re several hundred feet past the Rivas Canyon Trailhead, near Will Rogers State Park. “I don’t know. I called them right before I left. Should we move her?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know?”
“We can’t just sit here on our thumbs and do nothing! And what are we gonna do about Gabby? Hannah killed her. As soon as she’s well enough to sit in a cell, you know they’re going to be beating down her hospital room door to take her away.”
“We’re going to get our stories straight—that’s what we’re going to do. Gabby had her pinned, so I fought to get her off of her. When we were wrestling, the gun went off. Are we clear? Because it damn well better be crystal.”
He vehemently shakes his head. “You’re insane. You can’t take the blame for this. You’re going to get crucified. Her Dad’s the chief of police.”
“Better me than her.”
He hesitates, gnawing on the side of his lip, wringing his fingers through his hair, taking a moment to consider what I’m saying. “I’ll do it. The detective already hates me. It would be easy to convince him it was me. He knows I’d do anything for her.”
“You’d never survive in a place like that. This is something I need to do. I’ve lived through a hell of a lot worse than I’ll ever see in there.” Ryan’s eyes flash with surprise now that he’s getting a glimpse into my past. They soften sympathetically, filling in with understanding. “Don’t! Don’t fucking look at me like that. Just let me do this. Let me do this for her.”
“She won’t agree to it.”
“We’ll convince her.”
He climbs to his feet and paces, digging his hands back through the dishevelled mess he created just a moment ago. His gaze flicks toward Hannah as he chews on the inside of his cheek. A battle warring in his head.
“Yeah…okay. Shit, I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. She’s never going to forgive me.” He bends at the waist, bracing his hands on his knees and breathes heavily. “What if she doesn’t make it?” His voice is unsteady, fear unbalancing every word.
“She’ll make it. She has to.”
I lightly grip her shoulder with my hand, rocking her again. “Hannah, wake up, Babe. Please wake up.”
Her lids flutter open half-mast, her eyes coming slightly into focus just as she heaves unproductively. Still, I gently roll her to the side to prevent her from possibly choking. I glide my free hand, circling over her back for comfort until she rolls back listlessly, wincing when she rests back where she’d just lain.
“Ryan?” she murmurs his name, reaching inside my chest and tearing my heart out with the plea.
She’s calling for him.
He skids to a stop next to Hannah and reaches for her hand, pressing a soft kiss on the back. “I’m here, Nah. I’m here.”
“Ryan, what—what happened? Where am I?” Her voice is raspy yet flimsy. Ryan and I glance at each other over her body, our worry butting heads with our fear.
“You bumped your head pretty hard. Right now, you’re lying on the Rivas Canyon Trail. Do you remember anything? Anything at all?”
“I… I don’t—” Hannah’s floating in and out, barely holding onto consciousness.
He grips her cheeks in his hands. “Hannah, you have to stay awake. Stay with me!” Her eyes burst open only to fall to a moderate slit, the black pupil rolling back slightly before they come back into focus on me.
“If anyone can get through this, it’s you. You gotta fight.” I add, reaching for her hand.
She pulls it free, recoiling from my grasp. Her eyebrows draw in, crinkling the space between her eyes with confusion and…no signs of recognition. She’s staring at me like I’m some random guy trying to touch the pretty girl. The snub crashes into me like a tsunami, pushing me under with so much force I’m sure I must be drowning.
Does she not remember me?
Ryan gawks at the cold brush off with smug satisfaction, not aware of the reconciliation we had just moments ago. He doesn’t see the vacancy in her eyes. The blank detachment. They lacked the warmth and emotion she gifted me before Gabby appeared. He tries to assuage her, but his message gets muffled beneath the waves roaring between my ears.
I finally had her forgiveness. Held her in my arms. She said she needed time to think; now she’s shying away from my touch, acting like we hadn’t just shared a moment where everything seemed to align. The stars, the moon… Hell, my whole world righted when she melted against me. I could finally feel my heart stitching itself back together. But now it’s all picked apart. Unravelling faster than I can hold it together.
My ass drops on my heels as the faint sound of sirens finds its way through my confusion. The scenery around me fades into a blur as sweat beads on my forehead, neck and back. Each breath I release gets shorter, more compressed. I sway, catching myself just before I fall over.
“Over here!” Ryan yells beside me, but he sounds so far away.
Beams of light bounce back and forth in the distance, starting out small, growing larger the closer they get. Branches crunch and snap as four paramedics run down the path toward us. They split into two groups: one veering toward where Gabby lies dead and one coming to a stop next to Hannah, Ryan and me. Already jumping into action, they set up a floodlight.
Ryan gives our group a quick rundown of what to expect. “They’ve both been shot, and she’s hit her head.”
I wave one of them off when he comes toward me. “No! Go to her. She needs you more than I do.” He looks at me skeptically, eyeballing the damage to my leg. I inconspicuously wipe the sweat off my brow and try my best to stay balanced and coherent under his scrutiny. “This is non-negotiable!” I seethe. Every second they waste on me is a second they could be helping her. “What are you waiting for? Help her!”
He takes pause, mulling over my demand, but must see the determination in my gaze. He looks between Ryan and me and nods. “I need you both to give us some room.” Then he speaks to me directly, telling me with the deep vee of his brow and the obstinance in his eyes that he’s planning on being just as firm. “Then I’m coming back to look at your leg.”
He drops beside the other medic before I can object, hurrying to bandage Hannah’s arm as the other one finishes bandaging her head. Ryan helps me stand, and we both reluctantly back away to give the paramedics some clearance.
My body doesn’t seem to like the sudden change in altitude because my blood seems to stay at my feet, throwing off my equilibrium. I get caught in a wobble, swaying from side to side as my eyes glaze over and nausea creeps in. The only thing that brings me back into focus is the fear in Hannah’s voice. But it’s not me she’s seeking.
“Ryan? Please don’t leave me.”
Dropping in a crouch, his hand wraps around hers, where they hover outstretched. “I won’t leave you. I’m going wherever you go, okay?” he soothes as she blinks away tears.
“It hurts so much.”
“I wish I could take it all away. But you’re in good hands. These guys are going to help you. We’ll handle everything else.” He juts his chin in my direction, and her eyes struggle to follow the movement. When they finally track to me, I lose all the wind in my lungs, seeing the void in her gaze where her love used to be.
It’s not only my leg that’s bleeding out but my heart, too. It’s hemorrhaging in a dark puddle at my feet. I’m suffering the effects as a strong hand grips my shoulder to spin me around.
“I’m going to need to get a statement.”
My vision eases in and out as I stare vacantly at a man in uniform. Woozy and disoriented. He releases me, mouthing more words, dramatically opening and closing his mouth and waving his arms as I stumble back, weakness setting in. He reaches for me. But before he can get a solid hold, my ankle rolls on the uneven ground. I pitch to the side and drop with a thud, my hands and cheek slapping against the dirt.
Lying on the ground, a blur of people run toward me as their loud voices turn muffled. I feel like I’m submerged beneath water, and I’m clawing my way to the surface. My body is weakening by the second, and my lids are growing heavier—more cumbersome. It’s as if they’re tied to weights that are threatening to drop a curtain on my sight. I’m fighting to stay conscious with every last bit of strength I have, battling on borrowed time until the others rush Hannah away into the darkness. Then, once I know she’s safe, I let them fall, so hopefully, I can go there, too.
